Online dating for dummies

So this was on Yahoo! today.

I was reading it and trying to compare his tips to how I went about my own online dating. I will give my response in italics after each of his tips.

By David Wygant

Special to Yahoo! Personals

Recently I was coaching a woman on how to write her profile for Yahoo! Personals. Before we wrote the profile, I asked her to send me her four best pictures.
I asked her to do this because men are as visual as Scooby Doo on steroids. The first thing they do when they see your profile online is NOT read about your trip to Italy last summer. They want to see how hot you are. Keep in mind that every man has different taste in women. What I find attractive, my friend may not find attractive at all.
So I explained this to my client, and I asked her to send me her four best photos -- pictures that represent who she is in her life. What she sent me is mistake #1 of the biggest mistakes women make online.
Here are the 14 biggest online dating mistakes women make:

1. Stop posting four different photos from four different stages in your life. This leaves a man wondering, "Who is this person?" I've looked through thousands of online profiles, and the majority of women will put up pictures from different stages of their life but not put up current pictures. All photos that you post on an online dating profile MUST BE CURRENT!!! He's going to find out what you look like when you meet, and there is no reason to lie about your looks.

I agree with this completely. I hated seeing pictures of guys that were so clearly taken in 1989. All photos I posted had been taken with three months of when I posted the ad. I had three photos. One was a head shot, the others were torso and up. Hey, gotta play up the boobs.

2. Don't list your dislikes about Internet dating in bold, capital letters at the beginning of your profile. We've all had negative experiences online. Emphasize your positive points, not your negative ones.

Seriously. Who wants to respond to someone who is a downer. I tried to keep my profile light and conversational. A friend told me it was written in a tone that was exactly the tone I use when I talk. I took that as a compliment.

3. List your exact body type. It seems like on the Internet EVERYBODY is "athletic and toned," "petite" or "fit and trim."
He will find out what you look like! You might as well tell the truth in your profile, so you'll have a qualified lead and not waste somebody's time.

If you have current photos, he will see your exact body type. I listed mine as curvy, needs to lose a few pounds. Which is how I see myself. Others may see me differently.

4. List your real age. In the world of Internet dating, it seems like there's an abundance of 29- and 39-year-old women. "29" usually means somewhere in your 30's. And a woman who is "39" is usually in her 40's. Why start a potential relationship on a lie? Men are guilty of the same thing, and I advise them the same way.

It never even occurred to me to lie about this. But with so many guys in their 40s seeking women in their 20s, I can see why some people might be tempted to lie. Me, I wasn't interested in meeting 45-year-old men who wanted to date a 23-year-old woman. I was that woman once. I was ready to date my own age.

5. I'm really glad you had a great time on your vacation, but you don't need to post 10 photos of your trip to Italy WITHOUT you in them. This is a dating site, not a trip advisor. Also, stop posting pictures of you skydiving, winter skiing, waterskiing, or doing anything else where we can't see what you look like in the picture.

I don't know. I didn't go overboard with photos. But if you say you like scuba diving, why not back that up with a photo? Just don't make it the main photo on your profile. Put those at the end and if the guy wants to know more, he will look at those.

6. Keep your profile short and to the point. Make your paragraphs very short. I've seen too many women's profiles that look like romance novels. Take a look at Yahoo! Sports and read an article in the sports section.
All paragraphs are short so men can digest that information in short bursts.

Right. Because guys have the attention span of a cat. Keep it quippy and witty and smart.

7. Don't be so self-absorbed. I've seen many women's profiles that say, "I want a man to be this," "I want a man to do that," "I want a man to cherish me," "I want a man to adore me"... You list all your "I wants" without listing what YOU will bring to the relationship. So you end up looking like you're a taker and not a giver. No man wants to be with a taker; he wants to be with someone who's equally willing to give and to receive.

Yes! Aside from making you seem needy and demanding, if you have a list of things you want and a guy read that, he might think "Oh. She seems great. But she only wants to date a guy who is at least 6' tall. Too bad I am 5'11. Next." And you could be missing out on a great guy.

8. Don't list your financial desires like you're posting a want ad. I've seen too many women write, "I'm looking for a man who will spoil me, buy me great things, and take me on great trips." You come across as a gold digger. Instead say, "I like the finer things in life to share with somebody," so you don't come across so harsh.

Why even bring this up at all? I mean, I did mention that I have a great job, but I never mentioned money or that I have a house. This bugs me like it bugs me when people ask what kind of car you drive before they even ask you if you have any siblings.

9. No baby talk! Even if the number one priority in your life is to be a mother, nothing scares a man off more than if you write in your profile about how badly you want kids. He may feel the same way, but he is going to think, "This woman will marry anybody to have kids." Write something a little more toned down like, "Families are important to me, and I can't wait to meet my special man so I can start a family." This shows you're selective and not just looking for someone with whom to make a kid.

I didn't put anything in my description about wanting kids even though I do. I just checked the box that indicated I wanted them. I guess I took it on faith that guys would actually look at all those things.

10. Stop listing all your rules. Don't write things like "A perfect first date MUST be dinner" or "The man I date HAS to wear suits." Women tend to list rules in their profiles. Be open to a different kind of first date, or the kind of guy who wears jeans to work.

This goes back to the list of demands for me.

11. Stop sending winks. When is the last time you went to the supermarket, saw a cute guy and winked at him? Winks went out of style when "Happy Days" went off the air. You don't like it when men send you a wink. You think it makes him seem lazy and like he didn't read your profile. We think the same thing! So stop winking and start typing.

I never winked! And I really did hate getting those things. I pretty much ignored them. If someone can't even take the time to write a simple note, I pretty much figured they were not winking at me, they were winking at my boobs.

12. If you write to a man and he doesn't write you back, don't write a nasty follow-up email and ask him why he didn't write you back. If a man doesn't respond to you, it's the same thing as when you don't write a man back. It means that he is not interested. Don't get angry, just find another person.

I did always try to at least hit the auto-reply button that said thanks, but no thanks even if I didn't include a note. Is that wrong? I think it is better than not responding at all.

13. We know you're looking at us, because we see that you've viewed our profile every day. Say "hello!" We're not going to bite. Lob that email in.
Take a chance and send an email to the guy to whom you're most attracted. You never know what might happen!

I looked at a lot of profiles. Just because you look doesn't mean you want to write. Or maybe you are trying to think of the right thing to write. Or maybe you just think the guy is hot in his picture but sounds like a real dolt. So you want to look, but not actually have to converse.

14. If a guy who you're interested in writes to you, stop playing games and write him back right away. Don't make him wait four days. He may find someone else in the time you wait to write him back. Keep the momentum going!

I was pretty good about writing back the same day if I was interested. I was also pretty good about hitting the auto-no thanks button if I wasn't. I mean, the point of it was to meet people, not to have a pen pal, right?

I have found when online dating that if you're honest about who you are, and you get back to people immediately, you'll get the date faster and avoid all the back and forth games that go on. Now go change that profile!

OK. Overall these are good tips and I think I already was doing these when I was on the dating site.
Anyone disagree with David? Or with me for that matter?